Dear Diary, Big News! Here I've been killing myself trying to get on to Santa's Nice List, when all the while... I've been a Shoe-In!
Friday, December 30, 2022
Saturday, November 5, 2022
Rabbit vs The Raccoon Mob - Part 5 - No Charge
Rabbit vs The Raccoon Mob - Part 4 - Final Warning
Rabbit vs The Raccoon Mob - Part 3 - Witless Protection
Rabbit vs The Raccoon Mob - Part 2 - A Visit From Guido
Rabbit vs The Raccoon Mob - Part 1 - Edible Money
When you borrow money from the Raccoon Mob, but have no intention of repaying the loan, you'd better be prepared to face the consequences.
The Subject is Penguins
The Difference Between Men and Women
Tough and Feraly
The Leprechaun Trap
What Time Is It?
When you are bursting with newfound information and it needs to come out in one huge gush, you tell the first purrson who strikes up a conversation with you.
Red Bucket Banter
Early to Bed
Dear Monday, You Are Hereby Cancelled
It's All Fun and Games Until the Squirt Bottle Comes Out
Dear Diary and Friends,
This past month has had me sitting on the side lines when it comes to participation in the family blog.
While everyone's sweetheart, Princess Dori, hogged Mom's attention to find a stinky, squished scrap of foil known by the saccharine-sweet name of Dolly Meow, I was left twiddling my non-opposable thumbs waiting for my Momanager to take dictation for my blog column.
How am I supposed to record my inner thoughts and desires when I can't type, text, or use a pen, and Meow-to-Text has yet to be invented?
Seek First to Understand
“What’s that mean?”
“Essentially, it implies that you become more interested in understanding others, and less in having other people understand you. If you want fulfilling communication that benefits you and others, understanding others must come first.”
To which I replied…
“Pffft! I’m a cat. I’m all about me.”
“And that is why communication between us seems to be one constant battle. When you try to be understood before you understand, communication will break down, and may end up becoming a battle of two egos.”
“I don’t have an ego,” I told her with smug self-righteousness. “I’m an expensive purebred. I’ve got blue ribbon winners in my bloodline. I’m always right, and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me because I’m purrfect. What’s an ego?”
“You’re a living, breathing caricature of an ego, little buddy.”
“The world right now is in turmoil. No one is trying to understand one another. People are lashing out in fear and frustration. Even if their own lives are not touched by tragedy, they are unconsciously reacting to what they see on the news by being short and angry with others, including strangers. It’s a scary time for all.”
“I got scared by the lawnmower this morning,” I told her, trying to relate to what she was saying. “So did Frank. He hissed at me, like I was responsible for the loud scary thingy zipping around our backyard.”
“And how did you react when Frank hissed?”
“Oh! I jumped on him and bit his neck. Could’ve pounded him good if KC hadn’t joined in, siding with Frank. I’m gonna try this communication-thing you’re talking about.”
“In what way?”
“Next time Frank or KC try to stop me from jumping on them and biting their necks, I’m gonna tell them what you said.”
“I can’t wait to hear what you heard I said.”
“I’m a living, breathing caricature of an ego. Hiss off!”
Note from Momanager
Living with Rabbit has taught me I've acquired a vast supply of patience in my advanced years. His outrageous behavior no longer shocks me. I just roll with whatever mischief he's concocted.
The only time I get truly frustrated is when he deliberately antagonizes one of the other cats, primarily my seniors. They now live inside my bedroom until I've got Rabbit either locked up in his ZenDen, or out on the catio. Then they're free to roam the house.
Since being locked away from Rabbit, Dori is slowly gaining weight, and her back issues from being jumped on seem to be getting better.
I've been told (repeatedly) by breeders of Turkish Vans that Rabbit's behavior is normal, and actually he's very sweet.
I adore my breeder friends, and appreciate their advice. But when I think of them living in a home with more than one Turkish Van, I imagine them holding one Van by the tail to pretend him from going after his fur sib, and in the other hand they're holding a big bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cuz that's how I end my days here at Casa Wonderpurr.
Cellmates and Farewells
The Box Hog
Why am I always made out to be the villain? Okay, so maybe I can be a bit more enthusiastic about life. I'm now five, and every day is a new oppurrrtoonity for a great adventure.
Like today. Mom bought some cool triangle boxes. What a great idea! They felt amazing under my paws. Fresh and unique. Cool and comfortapurr. All I wanted was to enjoy these new boxes, but then along comes Miss Bweaking Nooz repurrtor Dori, and next thing I know, my plans to enjoy these boxes turns into a big deal.
No Respect for this AssRabbit
Yesterday after Mom fed me in my ZenDen... she forgot about me. I wasn't released into GenPop until after 9am. By then, while the aroma of bacon purrrmeeated in the air, there was not a single strip of delicious porkness left for me to nom. I felt really bad about that. Flopped down on the coffee table in front of Mom so she was aware just how badly she'd effed up. Even Dadders couldn't cajole me out of my gloom.
Rabbit Has a Nightmare
It all began after I'd enjoyed a particularly nice afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping... Opie hit a new decibel screaming cuz I'd dared to look at him. Seriously, the Ginger Wuss doesn't need anything more from me than a side glance to get his tiny tail all knotted with stress... which I actually take as a compliment. His hissy fit came on the heels of Dori complaining to Mom that she didn't appreciate me putting the bitey on her neck without first asking.
The Softer Side of Rabbit
Dear Diary, It seems like yesterday when I arrived at my Forever Home, filled with all these gullible house cats. You would think after five years they would have a clue about my sense of humor. Alas, compared to my superior Turkish Van DNA, their intelligence is right up there with field mice. Especially my precious little DoriDeer. She believes every word I say, and then goes running to Mom to blame me for tricking her. Or, as she would say with her lisp, "twicking" her.
Wednesday, October 26, 2022
Zoo Boo Date with Baunilha
My Birthday Date with Baunilha, the lovely kitteh from Portugal, went well enough that she agreed to accompany me on another date.
I'm thrilled she wants to see me again, and feel I can outdo the last date, even though Mom confiscated her Ameowican Express cawd after she got the bill revealing the price of Baunilha's birthday presents.
Without a credit cawd, I couldn't take my date to an all you can eat place, like I'd hoped to. Our last date went pretty good when we stopped shopping and got to eat stuff. So I made a list of things to do with Baunilha that didn't require a credit cawd.
Thursday, September 15, 2022
Birthday Date with Baunilha
It all started when my furend Baunilha said she didn't have a special birthday celebration:
Anyway, I wanted the lovely lady to have a special birthday, so I asked my sisfur Dori what a girl might like to do to celebrate her birthday, and she said "Take her to a nice place to enjoy noms, and then go shopping."
I thought, that sounds pretty easy. So this is what happened:
Gosh! I'm kinda surprised she likes me, being a notorious AssRabbit like I am. I mean, she's not even part of my notorious #TeamAssRabbit on Instagram. Which is probably a good thing. I mean, if she was notorious like me, there might be some competition to see who could out-naughty the other.
So now I gotta plan a second date. That nomming part of the Birthday date went pretty good. I liked it better than going shopping. So our next day should involve lots of food.
Hey! Maybe she can teach me to speak Portuguese!